Reader insert: storm before the calm
by broken.m-i-r-r-o-r.morrow
Summary: you look over at your brother and smiled you to where playing in your small sandbox laughing and having time then you look down and see the sand was soaked with blood "ki?" you looked over to see him on the ground panting you looked at the direction you herd the gunshot and saw Ludwig playing with a sniper rifle than you ran and got your mom and dad but no one was there ...
1. Chapter 1

_warning _(lyrics used through out this story is story before the calm by epic and jess moluaske) _ i do not own hetalia and its rated m for a reason_

you look over at your brother and smiled you to where playing in your small sandbox laughing and having time then you look down and see the sand was soaked with blood "ki?" you looked over to see him on the ground panting you looked at the direction you herd the gunshot and saw Ludwig playing with a sniper rifle than you ran and got your mom and dad but no one was there when you got back you looked around and screamed "kiku!" at the top of your lungs but it was to late no one could find him

you ignorged the rest of the countries as they argued and played your music in you ears "hey kiku are you coming to the party this afternoon?" you waved Alfred off

"i have to get home moms making casserole" every body thought you where kiku hearing his name still pains you but everyday you dress as a boy and go to the conferences and do stuff your brother would have done you mom helps you put on the itcy wig that resembles kiku's hairstyle you dad helps you constrict your chest and teaches you how to speak with a deep voice all to make sure no one reconizes your a girl and that your brother died when you were 5. everyone gave up looking for him and they filled you as the one missing since you looked like a boy back than anyway.

feli pouted "come on kiku you never come to the parties if you don't i'll make Germany force you" your eyes must have shown the rage that you had pint up on the inside because he shut up immediately and ran away

you knew he was going to make germany do it if you didn't so you looked at al "i'll be there but only for a little while"

alfred litteraly jumped up and touched the roof "yeah kiku's coming to a party kiku's coming to a party" he chanted and the whole UN looked over at you and started to mumbling to the person next to him alfred looked at you smileling "oh yeah i have a girl i want you to meet" thats when you finally rolled your eyes stuffed your headphones back into your ears and stormed off home

when you where little you always wanted to be the girl you saw in class but you couldn't because you were forced to be a boy of your past. kiku honda the strong one of the family who never whined never cried but was there for you when your dad dragged you out back and beat you with a bamboo stick

***** later at the party******  
Alfred pulled you in front of a girl known as Mei "kiku this is Mei"

you nodded at her "nice to meet you"

mei shook your hand and smiled a blush crept over her eyes. in a sense you kinda envied her that she could be that girl but just acted like you didnt notice it "excues me my throat is dry" you made a bee line to the punch table to get away from having to reject another girl. your dad wanted you to date them but you just didnt have it in you to ruin another girl's life because Germany ruined yours. the one and only person who knew your secret was maria but she didn't know how to help she was so scared of your father.

"_" you looked shocked everyone thought you were dead who - you turned around to see Germany

"My sister has long sence disapeered and was assumed dead a long time ago " you still used your male filled with voice but it was slowly slipping away Ludwig pulled you to a empty room with you fighting the whoe way "hey let go what are you doing let me go"

"_ you can stop fighting i know its you" his German accent made you want to gag as you saw the vision of your brother being shot over and over again

"i hate you" you finaly let your male voice slip compleately Nī-San" you punched him and your wig fell off and your long hair fell down to your knees it wasn't secured for the same way you would have if it was a training "you fucking bastard you should die too"

he held his cheek and stood up "_ calm down your brother isn't dead" you looked at him shocked and than you looked to the corner where you saw an adult version of your older brother "ki?"

he looked at you and nodded "yes _"

"No you cruel German you found someone who looks like him" you punched Ludwig again and backed against a wall the kiku look alike walked closer to you and called your childhood nick name "_ please its me please Maria knows just please believe that its me" he walked closer and hugged you. you felt the black walls of the room close in and you passed out

you woke up to your room your wig was on your the ground beside your futon and there was a wet cloth on your head you herd your parents talking in the kitchen and then you herd kiku's voice answering. he was explaining what happened. "we were playing in the the sand box when i felt a bullet perice my skin. ludwig saw what he had done and so had _ she ran to get you but Ludwig got me first and took me to his hospital where i lost a lot of skin but they managed to save me but i fell into a coma i woke up three years ago but and he helped get me back into shape i just got here 3 days ago when i herd that there was already a Kiku honda. at first i was confused but then i realized what you did. i had Ludwig help me set up the party and all of that as a distraction so i could confirm my suspicions"

you got of the futon and craweld over to the cracked door was it really ki? "Nī-San" you whispered and the family looked at you

he walked over to you helped you stand up and hugged you hard "i missed you"

"Nī-San I'm sorry i left you" you leaned on him

"Kansei _ it will be better soon" he smiled "tomorrow you get to dress as a girl we will make a announcement to tell everyone you are back"

"but i never left" you frowned feeling like a child which you haven't in a while

"but i have"he smiled at you "and you have a excellent duty of playing dress up but tomorrow you get to be you" you smiled back at him

the next day you wore your hair down with a kimono your mom made you and walked with your brother to the UN meeting "kiku I'm nervous"

"why_?" he stopped causing you to bump into him "they have known you for this long"

"because they have known YOU not me" you looked down at the ground fiddling with the edge of your hair dressed as a guy you felt fearless like you could rule the world but now you felt like you had to depend on your brother like old times

he laughed surprisingly "just act like you normally do" you nod as you both walk into the building

"Kiku" you herd a Taiwanese voice and turned around seeing Mei walking toward you "where did you go yesterday"

"uh i had to do something well we can thank Germany for this but i had to find my sister" she smiled at you and waved. you three walked into the meeting room where he pulled you and the German man you still hated into the center the countries stared from you and japan and you saw Feli's face look as red as his favorite tomatoes. "I just wanted you to know that after 17 years of waiting patience we have found my little sister thanks to my friend Ludwig" they clapped energetically for him even though he was the one that started this whole mess

you came out of your hiding from behind him and did what your brother would have done if he was in your situation (techinally he was but he didnt have to speak) "Arigatō i thank all of you for your prayers and those of you who haven't given up on me" your brother pulled you his seat and you waited for the meeting to end the headphones playing in your ears

if there was a way to create perfect  
make ya laugh feel so damn worth it  
i'd erase i'd your black and blue  
i couldn't find a way to stop your hurting  
so i'm gonna rip open those curtains  
so we can see we can see the best of you  
its just a storm before the calm


	2. Chapter 2

you smiled and ate the sweet cake some one sent you year after year on the same day your brother had gotten shot kiku smiled and laughed as he walked past you "you still haven't figured out who sends those cakes do you?"

"no why do you know?" he swatted away his hand as he tried to take a bite

"kinda lets just say he is your secret admirer" he looked at you and stole the piece of cake of the tip of your fork and you made him face palm

"should have had a d8" you laughed "and i want to know as soon as we get back from the party oh by the way Mei has a crush on you well the me that was you and also you don't like people invading your personal space"

he made a couple of mental notes "its v8 as Alfred calls it and this Mei is she the one that i met last week before the meeting"

you nodded "hai she watches 'you' in the meetings oh and watch out for Feli you remember him from when we were little right?" you wait for him to nod slowly than you continue "well he is a serious huger and a slight cry baby"

Kiku laughed "well thats good to know he never changed"

"thanks for the dress" you model it for him he bought it for you as a make up gift despite your many protest about it being to expensive. it shaped your body perfectly and was flattering for your body but not you showy.

he nodded and muttered something before looking at you again "Have you forgiven Ludwig yet?"

you stopped smiling "no"

"why not" he looked at you and frowned also "don't you like your Ni san's savior?"

you stood your ground which was hard to do to kiku "but Ni san's savior is also his killer"

he looked at you than pulled you into a hug "but im back can't you forgive him just for me don't you remember how when we were little and we used to hang with Ludwig in school?" you sighed and nodded at him as he continued to talk to you "Ludwig is a good person Please"

you sighed and looked at him "don't tell me the secret admirer is him?"

he shut up for a little and looked like a fish opening and closing his mouth trying to find his words "he - is"

than you groaned and got up and went to your room "i'm not going to the party"

he picked you of your folded futon and carried you to the door "you are going and that's final"

"I'm not exactly the social butterfly if you hadn't noticed" last week while you where out and about he had pulled you into a bar to try and get you used to being a girl but you ran out . you would have gotten jumped if it had not been for Ludwig who always seamed to be there when you are in trouble it was kinda creepy like he was stalking you.

"i noticed" he sat you on the ground and you grudgingly put on your shoes and he pulled you out of the house

Ludwig was there waiting and you nodded at him he nodded back and whispered something in kiku's ear. kiku nodded back and started to jog toward feli's house sense thats where the party was held. than Ludwig turned to you "_?"

you looked at him "yeah?" your voice was harsh but it was getting kinda hard now that your brother was back and how he kept on saving you. somehow with your was 'dead' you could direct all of your anger toward him now it was slowly getting impossible

"i guess you know its me" he looked at you a stern look in his eye

you looked back at him confused "its you what" you hoped he wasn't about to say-

"that sends you those cake and sweets year after year" his German accent was strong and annoying but by now you were looking forward to hearing it.

"yeah about that..." you looked down to avoid his gaze "Please stop. everything i mean like the stalking me and sending me gifts just please if you ever want to be friends stop"

"okay" was the only answer he gave you and he turned his back to you. you could see his tense mussels through his tight button up shirt

"um- do you wanna start over" you look at him for some reason you wanna reach out and hug him but you don't.

he looked back "what do you mean?"

"do you want to forget everything that has happened between you and my brother and me" something made it feel like there was a 100 pound weight was lifted off your shoulders

he looked back at you his his body reamined tense but hope flashed across his face than returned to the stern look he had before "yes please"

how am i to get through to you I'm finding myself devising ways to  
diminish the ominous ora above your horizon  
intoxicated with hatred, toxicated by a love thats cosmic  
such a faint complex melody and you provide the harmonic  
Highly unlikely for me to hit the ground lightly  
could someone tell me how far Ive  
fallen pricesly cause until today I've been improvising  
detach yourself from these anchors  
that keep pulling you under, wont you allow me to be your savior  
consider this to be your attempt to walk on water so you don't on the surface  
wont remain unchanged, will remain forever imperfect you mean everything to me  
whether I'm drained, weak, fatigued I shall be your radiance your remedy. 


	3. Chapter 3

an unknown lovethis is placed 6 months after part 2 book and just to warn you when Germany gets his revenge it is a little graphic read at your own risk

* * *

'Germany where are you' you stared at the men who had just raped you and beat you of them starred at you dead in the eye then made some signal and ran off with the 6 or 7 men following him. when you tried fighting back it just wasn't enough even after all that time training with Ludwig and feli. you spots of random colors ran over your eyes slowly and you felt a empty peace surround you just as you saw the tall German man running to you.

~~~Germany's Pov~~~  
kiku had told me you left to meet me but i had been clear across the town and by the time i got you it was to late. i would deal with the men i saw run out of the alley later first i have to get_ home. your parents are doctors they should be able to help. i picked _ up and looked down at your crumpled body that was shaking probably due to the shock or from the lost of blood that was mostly coming from the lower half of your body but some of it was coming from your head to "damn it didn't you learn anything _" i ran with you in my arms to your close house. we had decided to meet outside a bar so we could go to the centennial garden that was your favorite place at night.

i ran into your house "kiku" he ran out to look at your crimson body and pulled you away from me even though i didn't want to let you go

"why weren't you with her i thought you were gonna protect her you promised me you would when we were little what made you change your mind now" he laid you on your futon "mom and dad aren't home but i will do my best"

"we were suppose to meet tomorrow i Swore she was was with you i had some business to take care of with my grandpa" i looked at you

he sighed "do you know who did it"

i stood up and adjusted my jacket my body tense "that is for me to know and for me to handle he has been bothering Germany for to long and i will make him pay for what he has done" kiku nodded and watched me storm out.

kale was the person i were after. he is a famous for his crimes in Germany and he is the one that raped _. HE SHALL PAY i spotted him easily in the dark alley where he and his crew hangs out "hey Ludwig you want some-" he snorted something from his hand "more crack or are you still vouching that that is just your Italian friend snortin"

"i came back to get payback for what you have done to _" i reach into my pocket

he laughs "is that the cute Japanese girl we had today mmm she was delicious and man she knew had to scream i think i herd her call for you once or twice"

with that i cocked my gun and pulled it out and shot him in his dick. his friends came at me so i put my gun back in its holster and started fighting them. i didn't care if they had nothing to do with it. than i turned back to kale he was the one who started all this anger in my country and the problems between he Vargas brothers and worst of all he hurt _. he deserves to fell the pain that _ felt so i took a pole i found close to his body and i ripped of his pants than i shoved it up his ass "that is what happens when you mess with what is mine"

~~~back to you~

you woke up sore and acing so you tried to sit up but found it near impossible "ki?"

you called and he came in and forced you to lay down "Please stay laying down _ its for the best"

"how did i get here where is everybody" you tried to sit back up

"Germany brought you here mom and dad are on a house call and they will be back soon" he sighed at how you were fighting him and trying to sit up

you laid still for a second "so he did come i thought i saw him before everything went black" but then you quickly went back to your constant struggle of trying to sit up but your brother carefully made you lay down again

"if you don't stop i am going to get some of mom's sleeping medicine" he said even though you were still trying to fight him despite the pain

"Ki i think it will hurt less if i sit up" he sighed and helped you sit up and you yelped in pain and fell back against the futon

"told you he muttered under his breath

"Kiku" Ludwig called

"Germany Help Ni-San is holding me hostage" you called with a hoarse voice and he peeked his head in before walking all the way in.

"Whats going on" he looked confused his body rigid and tense

kiku stood up and pushed him toward me "a failed attempt to keep her still will you watch her while i go make some tea and no she is not allowed to sit up"

you pouted at your older brother and sighed Germany gave you a pity frown and you hit him to the best of your ability without causing yourself pain "what is that look for"

he removed the look and put a blank one on instead "oh i took care of the people who caused you this pain they won't be coming around you anymore"

"Ludwig why where you late?" you whispered

"i wasn't we were suppose to meet tomorrow" he looked at you sadly

you nodded and yawned even though he was scary in some sense he was also pretty comforting to have around by now your body was numb from the aspirin kiku had given you

"i guess your sleepy i should leave" he stood up but you grabbed his wrist

"please stay it's easier to sleep with you here" he nodded but his whole body tensed more as he sat beside you

"fine i will but you have to go to sleep" he brushed your hair from your face

"Ludwig"

"yeah _?" he looked down at you

"do you have anymore cake" you looked at him and smiled sleepily the way he was stroking your hair was kinda strange for the way he normally acted but it was calming but as soon as you asked the question he stopped and laughed

kiku popped his head in the room "is that Ludwig laughing?" he looked at the tall German with a eyebrow raised than shook his head and left the room

Germany tensed again and started stroking your hair a little more roughly and you frowned but he ignored it "I'll make you some in the morning" you nodded and pretended to sleep (after years of practice you could pretty much fake a coma if you wanted). when he thought you were fully asleep he leaned over and whispered in your ear "_ i love you" you could hear the softness and tenderness in his voice as he said it. you stopped faking sleeping and looked up at him with alarmed eyes and than you realized that you returned his feelings. ever since your brother had returned you had no reason to hate him anymore he was like your silent guardian angel and he was always there when you needed him (minus the incident today). he treated you better than any of the countries did and he knew what you went through the whole time your brother was in a coma. the strange thing is it took him to say it before you realized what love was

he saw the look on your face and tensed back up and stood to leave. you yelped in pain as you sat up to grab his wrist and pull him back toward you "please don't go i-i love you to" you forced out and looked down

if there were some way, avoiding superhero clichés have yet to exceed my extent getting you to see what's left in you is truly my intent  
memorize my lines to the script is it that what you seek, isn't quiet discrete,  
but i need you to look beyond the imperfections  
look beyond how your perceived, even with a crush self-esteem  
there's no getting through to you, you were through me, and you expect me to leave you  
to take on these lions, stranded on some island No rescue  
this is just the storm before the calm, a middle finger to the devil  
took until now for me to realize while god is putting you through your storms,  
god is putting me through mine but if this is how you want to live your life  
i won't get involved but i'm sure as hell ain't about to let you wash your regrets in alcohol  
what pages have yet to be decoded deciphered by the writer such a metaphorical poet  
you mean everything to me whether I'm drained, weak, fatigue  
I shall be your radiance your remedy. 


	4. Chapter 4

you laughed at feli as he finished up his song and put the mike in the stand from at the front of the karaoke shop kiku took you all to. "feli why the heck did you tie your shirt like a girl and chose that annoying song" you still had the lyrics 'these boots are made for walking' stuck in your head along with the visual image of feli as a girl burned into  
your brain.

he laughed "your turn _ oooo you should sing with Germany i have the perfect song america introduced me to something called RAP yesterday"

"nah i think I'll pass besides i think Germany is to much of a chicken" you looked at your now boyfriend who gave you a creepy glare

"so you think I'm chicken huh" he stood up

"yup" you staid sitting

"than come one I'll show you who is chicken" he pulled you onto the stage and handed you a mike. you look back at feli and gil typing something into the computer and pulling up lyrics but something was suspicions as if they were-

the music started and you and Ludwig both started at the screen waiting for the lyrics to come on and you both looked at the thing watching it play one time threw before you started to sing you would be doing the chorus and bridge while Germany would be doing the rap at first he stutter but then he got the hang of it toward the end of the first verse

"If there was a way to create perfect  
Make your life feel so damn worth it  
I'd Erase the black and blue  
There's no way to stop the hurting  
But I can rip open those curtains  
So you can see what's left in you

How am i to get through to you i'm finding myself devising/ ways to diminish the ominous ora above your horizon/  
intoxicated with hatred, toxicated by a love thats cosmic/  
such  
a faint complex melody and you provide the harmonic/ Highly unlikely  
for me to hit the ground lightly/ could someone tell me how far ive  
fallen pricesly/ cause until today i've been improvising/ detach  
yourself from these anchors/ that keep pulling you under, wont you allow  
me to be your savior/ consider this to be your attempt to walk on water  
so you don't on the surface/ wont remain unchanged, will remain forever  
imperfect/ you mean everything to me  
whether I'm drained, weak, fatigued/ I shall be your radiance your remedy.

If there was a way to create perfect  
Make your life feel so damn worth it  
I'd Erase the black and blue  
There's no way to stop the hurting  
But I can rip open those curtains  
So you can see what's left in you

if there were some way, avoiding superhero clichés/  
have yet to exceed my extent/ getting you to see what's left in you is truly my intent/ memorize my lines to the script/  
is  
it that what you seek, isn't quiet discrete, but i need you to look  
beyond the imperfections/ look beyond how your perceived, even with a  
crush self-esteem/ there's no getting through to you, you were through  
me, and you expect me to/ leave you to take on these lions, stranded on  
some island  
No rescue/ this is just the storm before the calm, a middle finger to the devil/ took until now for me to realize/  
while  
god is putting you through your storms, god is putting me through mine/  
but if this is how you want to live your life i won't get involved/ but  
i'm sure as hell ain't about to let you wash your regrets in alcohol/  
what pages have yet to be decoded/ deciphered by the writer such a  
metaphorical poet/ you mean everything to me whether I'm drained, weak,  
fatigue/ I shall be your radiance your remedy.

If there was a way to create perfect  
Make your life feel so damn worth it  
I'd Erase the black and blue  
There's no way to stop the hurting  
But I can rip open those curtains  
So you can see what's left in you  
It's just the storm before the calm  
the storm before the calm  
the storm before the calm  
Its just the storm before the

i wish you could see the light  
wish you could see the light  
wish you could see the light  
on the other side of you  
the light i see through you"

there was only a few words left on the screen but you and Germany stopped it read _ will you marry me' at the edge of the screen. as if he couldn't hold back anymore Prussia stood up and yelled "yeah thats right I'm awesome" than you saw gil and feli make a bee line for the door as you feel your face redden

"Prussia Italy when i get a hold of you to you are so dead" you yelled and chased them to the nearby park where you pounced on them and they tripped and fell. Germany came up behind you and helped you up and you got a look at your favorite surroundings. when you were little before Germany had shot your brother you came here all the time with kiku  
_  
"Come on Germany lets Play swords" you gigged at him from under the cherry tree_

"okay" he ran toward you and handed you a strong twig than swung another one at you you both chased each other instead but you tripped and fell. in an instant you started to cry and Germany was beside you. he took a band aid off his arm and put it on your cut you smiled at him wiping your tears

"thanks Lud" you took his hand as he helped you up you all walked toward the tree-

"_!" you herd kiku screech "_ get down from there before you hurt your self"

"yeah _ not cool come down" feli added

you looked around and realized you had subconsciously climbed a tree. it didn't matter you had to find it so you climbed higher and at last found it. you put your hand on the heart that had you Ludwig and kiku's name engraved into the tree but at the last minute you herd the tree branch snap and you grabbed the one above you just in time to avoid falling with it

"_ let go i will catch you" Ludwig screamed from directly below you

still shaking you gripped his neck and closed your eyes "don't ever let go"

"i won't" he said hugging you closer

"Ludwig?"

"yeah_"

"marry me" you gigged at how strange it sounded considering it was you who was the girl

"i do" he smiled at you his intense blue eyes looking deeply into yours as he slipped his dog -tags (for those of you who don't know its a identification thing people use in the us military)

then you herd Prussia 'ahem' and you looked at him annoyed "dang it gil you ruin everything" you feli kiku and Ludwig said at the same time.

nine months later

you smiled at Ludwig even though you were bedridden for the rest of the month until your first born was born. until you felt a strong pain in your side and you felt your water break "uh-"

Ludwig looked at you worried than at the sheets and picked you up "come on" you whimpered as he moved you and held onto his neck as he put you into the back seat and drove to the hospital

after 3 excruciating hours of pain you held a baby girl in your arms and you hummed the song of your now favorite song 'just a storm before the calm' germany looked at you lovingly and you smiled "see this, this is dady"


End file.
